She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
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