Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
