To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
