I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
