did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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