Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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