there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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