I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
