Non-Jews are for practice
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
