i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
