I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
