She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
