my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
