We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
