So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
