I skipped work to stalk him.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
