32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
