Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
