it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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