ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
