Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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