it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
