even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
