If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
