It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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