Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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