sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
