Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
