return my video game
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
