The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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