why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
