I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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