i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
