the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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