I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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