She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
