I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
that's an acceptable place to lick
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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