so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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