Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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