"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
