he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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