I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
