i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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