you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
