the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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