The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
