i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
