so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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