"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
