You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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