Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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