And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
