Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He has the fingertips of a God
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
