Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
