my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sorry about my life...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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