In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
