i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sorry about my life...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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